Childhood, the age of innocence, when school kids are just beginning to get to grips with being taught in the classroom about the wider world. But this innocence can lead to odd descriptions, misinterpretations and the inevitable misspellings that often turn out to be quite amusing.
When Annette Bradney, the Black Country's modern day woman chainmaker, faced the charms of school children several times before the summer break in her role as historian of chain making, she experienced a few of these classroom quips, and when a whole collection of examples came into her possession she thought Bugle readers might like to enjoy them too.
For many of us, mathematics was probably not the most scintillating subject at school, but the interpretation a young child can give to the meaning of something quite straightforward can often be relied upon to brighten up the day ...
‘The total is when you add up all the numbers, and a remainder is an animal that pulls Santa on his slay.’ ‘I would like to be an accountant, but you have to know a lot about moths.’ ‘If it is less than 90 degrees it is a cute angel.’ History is a subject that teaches us what happened in the past, but perhaps the world would have been a different place had these childhood interpretations been correct: ‘Sometimes in the war they take prisners and keep them as ostriges until the war is over. Some prisners end up in consterpation camps.’ ‘Sir Walter Raleigh circumcised the world with a big clipper.’ ‘Then Joan of Ark met her end. She was burned as a steak.’ Geography tells us many things about the planet we live on and where people come from: ‘In Scandinavia the Danish people come from Denmark, the Norwegians come from Norway and the Lapdancers come from Lapland.’ ‘In geography we learned that countries with sea around them are islands and ones without sea are incontinents.’ ‘The closest town to France is Dover.
You can get to France on a train or you can go on a fairy.’ Religious Studies is a subject often relegated to the bottom of the priority list, but these children seemed to have got the hang of something: ‘I asked my mum why we said old men at the end of prayers at skool. I don't know any old men apart from grandpa.’ And finally the words of a young child destined to become a great exponent of the world of science and innovation: ‘Helicopters are cleverer than planes.
Not only can they fly through the air, they can also hoover.’ jworkman@ blackcountrybugle.co.uk